


You Didn't Die, Dumbass

by IceBlueRose



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Leonard Snart Lives, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 21:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17836316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBlueRose/pseuds/IceBlueRose
Summary: Leonard wakes up in the med bay after the Oculus to find that Sara and Mick have left him a note to answer all his questions.





	You Didn't Die, Dumbass

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a picture of the original of this note and knew I had to do a version of it with Rogue Canary. I'll have to see if I can find a link to the original note. If I do, I'll post it here.

Leonard groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He carefully turned his head to the side and frowned at his surroundings. Before he could wonder too much over what was going on, his eyes fell on a sheet of paper sitting on the tray next to his bed. He slowly pulled it closer only to find that it said **READ THIS** at the top in large, capital letters.

“Well, if you insist,” he muttered, grimacing at how dry his mouth was before licking his lips and beginning to read.

_Welcome back to the land of the living, Crook, you’ve got short term memory loss. This paper is going to update you on what’s going on because your memory only lasts for about 5 minutes and you keep asking the same questions._ **It was sort of funny at first but now it’s really fucking annoying, Boss.**

_Where am I?_ _You’re in the med bay on the Waverider. Yes, you’re still on the Waverider._ **No, you didn’t die. Congratulations, dumbass.**

_What is today/How long have I been here?_ _Today is_ (here the date was written in pencil and was clearly just being erased and updated each day) _May 18, 2016. You’ve been in med bay since May 12, 2016. We brought you here after you decided you wanted to be a hero._ **Or as I like to put it, after you decided not to use your brains. Moron.** _How many times are you going to call him stupid using different words?_ **I’ve got a ton of these saved up, Blondie.**

_What’s wrong with me?_ **I’m pissed so I can put a long list right here for you, Snart.** _But if you’re just wondering about what landed you in med bay right now, it’s because you were blown to pieces and put back together within the time stream because as Mick once said, no one can die at the Vanishing Point. But you gave it a damn good try._ **This is where I repeat that you’re a dumbass.** _Anyway! Gideon says that your short term memory will come back but it’s the last thing that will. So right now, you’re like the real life version of 50 First Dates. You’re perfectly able to hold a conversation but you keep asking the same things over and over again._ **Fucking. Annoying.**

_Did we stop the Time Bastards?_ _Yes. Let’s try not to do anything like that again though, okay?_ **If you even think about it, I’ll be the one doing the knocking out this time. Idiot.**

_Did we get Savage?_ _Yes, we got Savage. No, you didn’t get to help._ **But I did. Your loss, Boss!**

_Does Lisa know?_ _Yes, Lisa knows and she’s not happy with you. We called her and let you talk to her. She called you an asshole once she heard the whole story and you called her a trainwreck, which is apparently a Snart sibling sign of affection. Weirdo._ **You also threatened to shoot Ramon if he kept hitting on your sister and the Flash said something about hugging you. You vowed to live on the ship forever to avoid that and Lisa threatened to destroy your bike if you did that. Better make sure you have something shiny for her.**

_I really have to pee, damn it._ _You’re not allowed out of bed but you’ve got a bed pan. Feel free._ **No one wants to risk getting punched by giving you a catheter so you’re stuck with that one.**

_Did we really kiss?_ _Yes, we did. No, you didn’t hallucinate that._ **What she said. Stupid halfwit.** _Now you’re just repeating yourself._ **With different words so it counts.**

_Are we together now?_ _Yes, we are. And yes, I mean all three of us._ **Now hurry up and get cleared for active duty so we can keep you in bed for more fun reasons.**

_Holy shit, these floors are so shiny!_ _Yeah, Len, I know the floors are shiny on the Waverider. I’m not sure what your fascination with that is._ **But you’ve said it like a million times already. At least start talking about the walls or something now, Boss.**

Leonard laughed a bit as he got to the end of the paper and looked up at the ceiling despite knowing that he didn’t have to. “Gideon,” he said, “where are Mick and Sara?”

“Welcome back, Mr. Snart,” Gideon said, sounding pleased. Leonard wondered how many times she’d had to greet him in the past six days. “Mr. Rory and Ms. Lance annoyed Captain Hunter and were banned from the med bay after the last time you woke up. They are currently plotting revenge while watching the first season of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. Mr. Rory insisted as he said you’ve already seen that season so he decided that Ms. Lance needed to catch up.”

He allowed himself to grin at the image that brought up. “How’s that going?”

“Ms. Lance seems to be enjoying it considering they’re making plans to watch season two.” She paused. “Before I alert them that you’re awake, would you allow me to scan you, Mr. Snart?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got my short term memory back unless we’ve had this conversation before, Gideon, but go ahead.” Leonard grimaced as he settled back again. He stayed still as the blue light moved over him.

“It would seem everything is back in order, Mr. Snart,” Gideon said. “I’ve alerted Mr. Rory and Ms. Lance that you’re awake.”

“And in good working order,” he added with a smirk. He raised an eyebrow and held up the paper when Sara and Mick walked in. “So I guess this mostly covers things since I hear I was,” he glanced at the paper, “fucking annoying with my questions.”

Sara’s lips twitched even as Mick nodded. “Damn right,” he muttered.

“Got any new questions?” she asked, moving so that she was standing next to him. Mick smirked and stood behind her.

Leonard studied both of them and thought of the last few questions. They’d kissed and the three of them were together. He hadn’t made that up. He nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Can I get out of here? Because I really do have to pee and I refuse to use that damn bed pan.”

Sara laughed while Mick rolled his eyes. “Gideon?” she asked.

“Mr. Snart is cleared to leave the med bay,” Gideon confirmed.

“Good,” Mick said. “Then we can get you into bed for more fun stuff than you asking us the same thing all the time.”

“Yeah?” Leonard smirked, looking Mick and then Sara up and down. “Like what?”

Mick smirked and Leonard just knew Mick was going to give him a hard time. He knew that look. “Season two, Boss. Why else would Blondie and I want you in bed right away?”

Sara snorted at the face Leonard made. “Trust me, you might be cleared to leave but season two will be all you’ll be up for right now.” She looked up at him through her eyelashes and his breath hitched at the look she was giving him. “You don’t have the strength to keep up with us for anything else just yet.”

“You’re killing me,” Leonard muttered, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He paused and frowned as he looked down. “Huh.”

“What?” Sara asked.

“I was right. These floors really are shiny.”

“Fucking hell, Snart. I hate you.”

“Admit it, Mick, you missed me.”

“You’re not getting laid until after season seven.”

“I’m getting laid before that though, right? I’m not the one talking about shiny floors.”

“Hell yeah, Blondie.”

“I hate you both.”

“Liar.”


End file.
